Block 70: April 28, 2013




Gorgeous day outside.

My iPhone tells me it’s in the low 60s. My dog, a French Bulldog, only lasted an hour and a half at the dog run this morning. Between the sun and the dog-playing, I had to carry him home.

Date: April 28, 2013

Crane: 70

Days Spent on Project: 70

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Mrs. Laycock, Math teacher at Brebeuf.

I never took Math from Mrs. Laycock; the reason she figures so importantly in my first few months and Freshman year at Brebeuf is that she drove me there every day.

Having spent the first 13-14 years of my life in public school, I was used to the routine of a bus picking me up every morning for the short (maybe a mile?) commute to school. But, now, having signed on to Brebeuf, I had to figure out a way to make the 30 minute or so, 15 mile trek to and from daily.

Mrs. Laycock lived on the other side of town. I don’t know how my parents made the connection that she could drive me there (they couldn’t because of their work schedules), but they did.

Every morning for most of the 1st year, I would be picked up around 7:15 am. We would drive the same backroads that connected Brownsburg to the westside of Indianapolis. We usually listened to the same radio station, 99.5 WZPL.

We usually heard “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by the Proclaimers once in the morning and once in the afternoon. Minimum.

As I started my first year at Brebeuf, I was incredibly, horribly shy. I was quiet. I was awkward.

I still am, but hopefully not as embarrassingly.

But, how nice of her was that? Picking up a shy kid that you had never met before and spending an hour together in a minivan together, almost daily? I don’t think those car rides were painfully quiet. She did get me to talk.

I never had the chance to take Math from her, but I know she was a good teacher. She was (and I’m sure she still is) an incredibly nice and social person.

Music I listened to while sewing: Macklemore & Lewis again. It’s okay to admit that I like their music, right? Their pop-rap is cool, yes?

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I have this recurring anxiety dream.

The details are always slightly different. I’m usually in a different setting in each one, but the situation is always the same.

I dreamt last night that I was at Yale’s University Theatre, on one of the upper floors. I have to get to New Haven’s train station, which is over a mile away. I have to catch the train back to New York.

As I start to run down the winding stairs, leading down to the first floor, I realize their are a few more stories in the building that I remember and that each story is twice as tall as it should be. As I start to run, I also find that I can’t run as easily as I’m used to. As I try to run forward, I feel like my feet grab into the ground and can’t push off. As if I’m stuck in paste.

And it’s frustrating because I know I can run fast. At the gym, I can do a seven minute mile easily when I’m training.

And it’s overwhelming to realize people around me need to get there too and can start covering the distance with ease.

As I push against the ground, sticking to it, exerting what feels like too much energy, I realize I’m practically trying to run on all fours by using my hands to help grab the ground and move myself forward.

Instead of leaping forward, I make such tiny progress. And it’s so hard. And it’s almost paralyzing to think how much distance I have to cover and how much effort it’s taking just to get anywhere.

This dream woke me up at 5am this morning.

I’m trying not to think about it too much. I’ve decided I will prioritize getting to the gym today for a run, head to City Quilter, and spend some time shopping for the dance piece.

Because while I’d like to take the day completely off, I feel like that’s just going to fuel my anxiety. Some work completed is better progress than no work started, you know?

Hey, if you’re dealing with stress, it’s important to remember someone else is too. Anxiety is a part of everyone’s life. You just can’t let it render you motionless.

Enjoy the day. Take some time for yourself; we have another week ahead of us!


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