Not to sound especially glib, considering this week’s events, but I’m so thankful the weekend is here and another, hopefully better, week is around the corner.
Date: April 19, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 61
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Carissa L., another one of my friends in middle school.
I didn’t make friends with her and Sara D. (yesterday’s Crane) until 8th grade. In a way, I felt a kind of attraction to Carissa; lest you think it was a crush, I can tell you that I did have that thought questioning me. But it wasn’t anything like that. I think I felt an attraction to her because she presented herself as shy and timid, which are qualities that I see (and saw) in myself. She was quiet, smart, and nice- qualities I saw in myself, and that made me see a kindred spirit.
I really wish I knew what happened to these people.
I got out. Even though I still lived in Brownsburg, Indiana while I later went to high school in Indianapolis and came home to visit from college and grad school, I did *not* keep in touch with any of these people from the “first parts” of my life. I think I was so relieved to have escaped, to have left these people and experiences and sadness and anger behind, that I couldn’t actually fathom making the attempt to bridge my past with the present.
High school was so much better. Once I found a place for myself there, I believe now that I had to drop my past as much as I could just to keep going. Yes, I take with me, sadly, the effects of non-stop bullying with me to this day, but I was fortunate enough to have the chance to start over, to remake myself, to discard all the people who made life difficult for me during middle school.
However fortunate I consider myself to have been for that opportunity, unfortunately I lost the few good people that carried me over to safer waters.
I regret that.
Although I don’t know how I could have changed that.
Sometimes it’s just about survival.
Music I listened to while sewing: Surprise! Sunday in the Park with George.
I woke up at 6:30am, and before I took The Dog outside, I grabbed my iPhone and checked Facebook. I don’t normally turn on my phone until I leave for work, and I don’t know why I felt compelled to see what my friends were talking about.
The news of the car chase, the killing of one of the Boston Marathon Bombers along with an MIT security guard, and the car chase and later stand off caught me unaware at 6:30am. What is happening to the world?
I chose Sunday… this morning because I needed to hear about a man’s struggles with creation rather than man’s struggles with destruction.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: After I posted yesterday’s thoughts, I worry that I might have sounded a bit flippant about life, especially considering the many events of this week.
Let me clarify: I believe that Life is beautiful. I still do. That fact that all of us are stumbling towards our goals, just trying to carve out meaning and life and security and purpose should bring us together.
I still think that we, as humans, have universal ideas and emotions and desires and actions that unite us.
I still think that we, as humans, are imperfect and yet amazing creations that are capable of so much; that “so much” sadly has to include the tragic “lows” and evils (some examples have certainly been witnessed this week) along with all the amazing highs.
Life is beautiful. We’re all beautiful. That we have to deal with hardship and tedium and elation is beautiful and sad at the same time.
So, friends, because we’re capable of so much, let’s remember to live life thankfully and well and look out for those around us that we know and care about and even those we don’t know.
We’re all here together; can we exist together?
Anyway, have a good Friday, everyone. Don’t take any of this for granted and respect yourself and the people around you. Remember you are, in fact, special and needed here.
Someone counts on you.