Sunday evening quickly approaches; are we ready for another week?
Date: April 14, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 56 (8 weeks!)
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Lyny P., the first boy I ever had a crush on.
I was in the fourth grade.
However, this was the mid to late 80s, and I was in a rural-suburban community in Indiana. I didn’t have the worldview, exposure, awareness, or even vocabulary to know what was going on.
It never even dawned on me that this mild infatuation was a crush. Boys didn’t get crushes on boys; boys got crushes on girls.
And so I couched it in terms that I did know: I wanted to be his friend. Yet, I talked about wanting to be his friend all the time. I even wrote stories (chaste ones, mind you) about him.
I was infatuated with a classmate of mine clearly, but couldn’t admit to what those feelings truly were because I didn’t understand them. “Homosexual” wasn’t even a term I was familiar with at that point in my life. “Gay?” I wouldn’t have known anything about that word.
I just wanted to be his friend. His very special friend.
I’ve always been gay.
I never got the chance to Lyny’s friend though. I was too shy to do anything but pine from the sidelines, wondering why I wasn’t cool enough for him to notice me.
Music I listened to while sewing: The Postal Service. Their album “Give Up” is 10 years old this year; can you believe that? It was my life soundtrack for the entirety of my first year at the Yale School of Drama…
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Aren’t weekends supposed to be relaxing?
I’ve spent the past two days getting myself back on track after a busy week of shopping for New York City Opera. In between getting the dog to the dog park, going to the gym, running errands, going through emails and bills and letters, cleaning my apartment (mostly), and researching for two new projects, all I want to do is order delivery, turn on a movie, and sit on the couch.
But, I’ve got to start tackling some sketches for one of the projects, and call a director about the second.
And as much fun as ordering take-out would be, I just went to the grocery.
I think this clearly means I need to work for a bit, eat dinner, and then go to bed early.
Let’s tackle this week with gusto!