Block 46: April 4, 2013

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I feel like I just made a Crane for The Lion King on Broadway.

That would be fitting; Julie Taymor’s designs for the show are part of the reason I fell into theater design.

Date: April 4, 2013

Crane Number: 46

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Miss Fairhurst, my sixth grade teacher.

She was a FAN of the Celtics… and, therefore, also fellow Hoosier Larry Bird.

Can you believe, until I met her, I thought Celtics was pronounced with a hard “K” sound?

Keltics, anyone?

Yeah, doesn’t sound right…

Music I listened to while sewing: A new opera for which I’m “coordinating” costumes next month. It’s epic; the music is without lyrics, but there are vocals throughout (I’m told the style is called “vocalized opera.”)… As it’s a workshop production, there’s little money to design it fully.

I’m really intrigued how this is going to happen. It sounds HUGE. To do it with a dozen performers with little in the way of design?

Here we go… Rehearsals start Tuesday.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Ladies and Gentlemen, I’ve been thinking a lot about what it means to encourage someone and the pursuit of their “dream” today.

It’s been a month since I last spoke to my parents, and they bluntly told me that dreams don’t come true for everyone (“That’s why their dreams!”); that if I was meant to “make it” in theater, I would have “made it” already; that there’s nothing “weak” about “giving up;” and that, perhaps, people don’t care for my work.

The conversation still stings. More than a bit.

And it has left me confused.

If we’re going to talk about my dreams and hopes for my career, I’ll be honest: years ago, leaving college, my greatest hope was just to work in theater and to be able to live comfortably. In a way, I’ve accomplished that. That hope can be crossed off the bucket list.

Yes, there are much loftier ambitions now. Yes, as I’ve lived my life and experienced my life, my worldview of what I want to do *with* theater has evolved and grown. Yes, therefore, I’ll be pursuing and adapting these dreams for as long as I’m around.

But, truly, there are things I *know* deep down that won’t happen. Whatever the reason (reality, money, the current environment of Broadway, the type of person I am, etc. etc. etc.), some dreams won’t (Well, let’s say “might not”) be actualized by me in this lifetime.

And, you know what? That’s life. That’s why I’m choosing to follow this dream and allow this dream to morph with me.

But, to know that my parents don’t have that faith (there’s that word again) in my work or career or ability. That knocks the wind out of me.

By saying that, how can I see them as any better than the people at the Yale School of Drama who told me I probably wouldn’t fare well because I was a “hick” from the Midwest?

We’re told to develop a thick skin. We’re told to have that unwavering belief in yourself. We’re told rejection is a part of this life and career. We’re told to brush it off and move on.

I believe that I’m here. I believe that I’m on a path. I believe that I am capable.

As long as I believe, that should be enough.

Self-delusion or Confidence. I still believe. And hope.

Cheers to Thursday. Heads high, everyone.

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One thought on “Block 46: April 4, 2013

  1. I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t know you or your past, except what I’ve read from this project. I haven’t had the opportunity to get to know you yet. (Which I look forward to, by the way) But, with the California Project being realized right now….perhaps this is a good post to look back on, reflect, and smile at your success. Your dreams, your visions…they’re coming to life. Congrats and keep the dream alive! 🙂

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