Block 45: April 3, 2013


Even though the weather has taken a turn for the chilly, I made this Crane for Spring! (I hope it gets here!)

Date: April 3, 2013

Crane Number: 45

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Mrs. Spector, my fifth grade teacher.

You know what? She was just supportive. And a little quirky.

I remember somehow, as a class, knowing that she didn’t have a VCR and teasing her about it. She went along with the joke. At least I think she did.

I’m starting to think the best elementary school teachers are the ones who act in dual roles: acting as extensions of the parents we have (or wish we had) at home and also a friend who helps us start to see the world outside of our homes.

They aren’t baby-sitters.

Shouldn’t they be some of the first adult figures that help us figure out how the world works? And how we work within it?

I am being too “Pollyanna” this morning?

Music I listened to while sewing: Long story… but “Go the Distance” from Disney’s Hercules.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I have an admission to make.

I don’t think I know what’s going on.

I don’t even think OTHER people really know what’s going on. (Granted there are people who suffer from enough hubris that they believe they’re in control or have a specific path… I think they’re lying!)

Think about it: I can’t predict the future, and you have to admit you can’t either.

I walk through life, trying to work through the obstacles (perhaps I should call them opportunities) that present themselves. I have to get out of bed in the morning. I have to walk and free The Dog. I head to the gym if I can coordinate my schedule. I do whatever is needed to design and realize productions I work on. I try to save money. I try to make money. I try to connect with friends.

That’s what I try to do. But do I know why? Why is this my chosen schedule? What is it leading me towards?

I stare at these cranes that I’m sewing, using fabric that I obsessively choose whenever I can get to City Quilter. (Is this fabric better than this one? How about this pattern? Is variety in color necessary?)

But to say with any certainty that I know specifically what this project will become… Well, that’s not true. Do I plan ahead, choosing what Cranes I’ll make on certain days, “coloring” the project in a certain way? Doesn’t that remove some of the sincerity of the project, the “take life one day at a time” approach?

To say with all certainty that I know what my path is in life… I can’t. I know what I want to accomplish. I know my dreams. I have such hopes for it all! I can work specifically towards them as much as I want, but who’s to say in 20 years I won’t find myself serving food in a restaurant?

And, you know what? As much as I complain and worry about what my life is at the current moment and in the future (I’m poor. I’m don’t have a stable job [Yay, freelance!]. I’m not always responsible with money or my time. I don’t get out as often as I’d like.), I don’t think I would change much about my life.

Because, do I have anything to complain about? Do I have more than you to complain about?

The uncertainty is, in a way, liberating.

“I don’t know. I just don’t.”

And, you know what? You don’t either.

And neither do they.

And when you think that the world is full of people who are just as uncertain as you, should we not be relieved?

That uncertainty, that doubt as some of us call it… is this what makes faith? Not necessarily in something higher, but faith in ourselves and what we bring to the world?

Is embracing that uncertainty, which hopefully helps create the confidence within us to walk out the door every morning and face the world’s opportunities, what should remind us that we are, in fact, gifts within the world?

Let’s walk with confidence today, shall we?

2 thoughts on “Block 45: April 3, 2013

  1. Rest assured, dear one, that uncertainty doesn’t leave you for long. At the age of 63, I wonder constantly about… well, everything! Love the talk. And the block!

Please leave a reply!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s