Block 44: April 2, 2013



I have a pile of yellows, tans, and beiges that I’ve been meaning to use. I must figure out a way to start getting excited about them.

(I’m planning on stopping by The City Quilter today; given this week’s schedule, it seems like this afternoon is my chance to do it. Must make a point to find patterns that will get me jazzed about these neutrals!)

I’ve been walking around New York recently, making a point to see how I can put neutrals together interestingly. It’s interesting to re-learn that the city isn’t all tones of grey and dirt. Lots of inspiration in the architecture here, and especially the subway. Who’d think that something as gross as the NYC subway system actually pairs colors in weird ways?

Date: April 2, 2013

Crane Number: 44

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Mrs. Acton, my fourth grade teacher.

I remember her as having a deep fascination with Indiana History; a distinct memory of her is how excited she was to learn that I had visited Little Turtle’s grave in Fort Wayne, Indiana one weekend. (He was one of the most famous Native American chiefs and military leaders of the mid to late 18th and early 19th Centuries.)

I also remember her telling me, point blank, one day that I needed to have more confidence in myself and who I was.

I was in fourth grade.

How was it that I apparently had low self-esteem even at that young age? What happened? If an adult tried to instill in me that I needed to believe in myself more, does this mean I’ve always been “this way:” insecure?

I choose to believe that I am capable of quite a lot. I do understand that I’m smart. Even though I buckle when people call me an “artist,” I do understand that I do, and have almost always, expressed myself in artistic means. Whether it was my brief stint writing stories (or even plays [I called them “skits]) in elementary school, sketching things that I saw and admired in my life, wanting to act and then later trying it until I grasped on how hard that life is (But, is design any better though? Really?), designing my way through life for the past 14 years, and so on… I believe I can express myself visually and artistically. I know I have the ability to “figure” out how things go together. I am capable of a lot.

But, somehow, that understanding doesn’t *quite* translate into belief.

Mrs. Acton saw that. She was a lovely person.

She was aware.

Music I listened to while sewing: Something from my past today- Ani DiFranco! More specifically, the album “Living in Clip.”

More specifically still, the song “Both hands.”

Well, a bunch of others too, but this one especially.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I’ll leave you with a quote from Thomas Edison today.

“If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves.”

So, the next time you doubt your ability to do something, shouldn’t you just reply: “Who cares?”

Who cares if I’ll never finish. Who cares if it doesn’t look as good as I want it to. Who cares if no one gets it. Who cares if they don’t like it. Who cares if they don’t like me. Who cares if it isn’t worth it.

It’s time to try. And then try again.

Off to start the day. The Dog has been strangely cranky today; it’s time for another walk.


One thought on “Block 44: April 2, 2013

  1. Haven’t thought of or listened to Ani DiFranco for a while. Thanks for the memory jog. Doubting… interesting how that motivates sometimes, while also causing so much angst.

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