Block 24: March 13, 2013

athousandquiltedcranes24

Wednesday.

Happy Hump Day. (Hurrah!)

Much better behaving Crane today. I think this one was my fastest yet; definitely under an hour, from start to finish, including placing the pattern, cutting, and stitching! Back on track after yesterday’s frustration.

I’ve re-earned my sewing badge.

Date: March 13, 2013

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: my cousin, Andrew.

Music I listened to while sewing: The original cast recording of Phantom of the Opera. Why, you ask? The dream that woke me up at 6:30ish was a doozy. I had been cast as Christine Daae in the Broadway production. Kind of surprising actually: besides discussing the concert at the Royal Albert Hall to celebrate its 25 anniversary, I haven’t really *thought* about this show much. Yes, it was one of those childhood theatrical experiences that I vividly remember (one of the first shows I saw in the West End), especially because of all the design elements.

I sometimes wonder if I was always meant to head into theatrical design as a career. Growing up in suburban Indiana, there weren’t very many opportunities to see live theater. I do remember what I thought was our family’s holiday tradition: going to see A Christmas Carol at Indiana Repertory Theatre. I can remember those productions distinctly for the visuals and theater-trickery.

Same thing for Phantom… and Cats (which I saw as a 5th grader when a touring production travelled to Clowes Hall)… and Starlight Express (1st West End show)… and Les Mis (London and the tour). I bought a Cats production book just to have copies of the renderings. (I own the original Phantom brochure and book for the same reason) After seeing Starlight, I bought the CD (new technology at the time!), memorized the music, and drew many of the costumes when I returned back home to Indiana.

Maybe I was supposed to do this.

Anyway, in the dream from last night, I was cast as Christine Daae, could sing like Sierra Boggess, made fast and quick friends with the Phantom and Raul, and was tormented by Carlotta. Strange, but that woke me up this morning.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: What a difference a day makes. No rain today. Only sun and blue skies. Wonderful after yesterday’s drizzle and gray skies.

I went on a date last night. Well, I think it was a date. I’m not sure. That should tell you how it went.

On the subway ride and short walk home, I thought about it: I don’t think I’m in a place where I *want* to date. Not to sound selfish, but I feel that I need to spend time on myself. I’m not doing so to build my independence (Lord knows I’m one of the most “on-my-own” [aka aloof] people you’ll ever run across).

I should be making an attempt to carve out a larger social circle in New York. I do need more good friends here. I’m aware that I’m lacking in people I can trust or call on or hang out with here. And I do want more friends.

But a boyfriend? No. After my past relationships and experiences with dating, I know that I’m not ready- or maybe even able- to give myself openly or fully to someone. Maybe I’m stuck in my ways (hopefully not permanently at 34). Maybe it’s that I know there are things in my life that I need to fix. Maybe I need more self-confidence. Maybe I want to focus on my career and making sure I have a stake in New York theater (despite my parents telling me I don’t).

Whatever the reason, I’m not ready at this time. I’m not trying to be snooty or stuck up or aloof to pretentious. I’m just trying to take care of me right now.

For now.

Cheers.

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