Block 18: March 7, 2013


BAM- another one done!

Date: March 7, 2013

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: my uncle, Ben.

Music I listened to while sewing: More Deadmau5! (How do I pronounce that? Anyone?) After the major blah of yesterday, I decided I needed to embrace the chance to have an impromptu dance party.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Granted it’s only 4pm right now, but today has been a much better day than yesterday!

Despite having some really interesting dreams (wicked weird combos of characters from the Wizard of Oz and Downton Abbey, if you can imagine, or maybe because of them, I didn’t sleep very well.

I’ve got a lot on my mind. The comments my father made the other day have really started to sink in, and I feel like they’re trailing everything I do now.

Send out emails and letters to theaters asking if I could potentially work for them? I hear my dad say I have a bad reputation. Make phone calls to people I’ve worked with in the past? I hear my father say all the doors have been shut to me. Try to meet new people about working on projects? My father reminds me that dreams don’t come true.

It really hurts when people you think you can trust or go to for advice or talk to about your *real* feelings only come back at you saying they’re tired of enabling my dream of working in theater.

A friend has told me that they are my parents; I’m enough of a functional adult that I don’t need them anymore. And, truthfully, I guess I don’t *need* them. I certainly don’t need “advice” like that in my life.

I’ve been following my dream of working in theater since I was 20, the first time I landed a theater gig that paid me. It’s been 14 years; I don’t think of this as a dream anymore. It’s my reality. Right?

So, the proactive goal today? Send out as many emails and letters to theater companies and designers as I can. Do not judge myself for doing so. Do not allow myself to think it’s a waste of time. Do not believe that my career is over.

I’m still very young (I’m only 34!). This is just the beginning!

One day at a time. One block at a time. One email or phone call or latter at a time.

Happy Thursday, everyone. Hope it’s sunny where you are (it isn’t here).

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